Starring In My Favorite Movie

Midsommar is a 2019 film by Ari Aster. After my first viewing, I instantly saw myself in the protagonist above, Dani. In many ways, I related to the fictional character. Much of the internal conflict expressed through Dani’s actions garnered sympathy from me. However, now that I have viewed the movie at least ten times, I would have made drastically different decisions than Dani.

In an alternate universe, I would be a graduate student. I live with my boyfriend, Christian, in the heart of New York City. Unlike me, Christian has many friends. Out of all of his friends, his closest pals are Mark, Josh, and Pelle. Although we are all pursuing our master’s degrees, Christian and his friends seemingly always have more free time on their hands in comparison to me. If it isn’t already obvious, I am only still dating Christian out of obligation. Our four-year relationship is ongoing but barely survived after he emotionally abandoned me after three of my immediate family members passed away this past winter.

Summer is approaching. I overheard Christian, Mark, Josh, and Pelle seemingly whispering about some trip to Sweden at a party we went to the other night. I reluctantly confronted Christian about this trip, seeing as though he never mentioned it to me, and he tried to convince me that it was some last-minute idea Pelle had. Pelle invited their clique to visit his family in a small community in a rural area of Sweden. This trip is just two weeks away. They plan on staying for five days. I have so many questions. I am hesitant to ask Christian anything else regarding the trip that he seemingly wanted to keep a secret from me. How did he expect me not to find out? When was he going to tell me about it? Should I ask Christian if I can join them on the trip? Would that be weird or make me seem needy? 

I almost asked Christian if I could join him on the trip this morning. As pathetic as it sounds, I would love to get out of the city and spend some time in Sweden. I have never been to Europe. I also would like to spend some time with my boyfriend who will miss my birthday while on his trip. However, I decided to prioritize myself. Since the passing of my three family members, I’ve become co-dependent on Christian. I haven’t properly grieved and staying in this loveless relationship won’t help.

I am currently packing a suitcase and have decided to go on a solo trip. None of my relatives live in New York. It would be nice to visit my Aunt down in Georgia. Before I bought my plane ticket, I called my Aunt for the first time in months. The last time we saw each other was at the funerals, last winter. I finally had an epiphany about my life and my self-worth.

By the time Christian gets home, I will be en route to my destination. I have already written a letter to him, explaining why I am leaving. I will have to move out once I return to our apartment. I don’t care if Christian enjoys his trip. While I am in Georgia, I will take advantage of the opportunity to have a safe space among my family. The peace and support that I have been longing for are awaiting me. My flight leaves in two hours so, I should be getting to the airport now.

To summarize the plot of Midsommer, Dani invited herself on Christian’s trip. Instead of Christian agreeing, it was Pelle who extended an invitation to Dani. Ultimately, Pelle set Christian, Josh, and Mark up to become victims of the Swedish commune’s pagan cult. Although Dani was the lone survivor at the end of the film, her fate is left on a cliffhanger. If I were Dani, I would have never attended the trip, since I was not invited. I would have also ended my relationship with Christian, far earlier.


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